How To Deal With Tantrums in 5 Year Olds and When To Worry

Tantrums are a natural aspect of child development, common from 18 months to 4 years, as children learn to control emotions and gain independence. It’s less common but normal for a 5-year-old to occasionally have tantrums, but concerns arise if tantrums are violent, overly frequent, or if the child struggles to calm down.

Five red flags indicating potential psychiatric disorders include violent tantrums, self-injurious behavior, tantrums occurring 10-20 times within 30 days or more than 5 times a day on multiple days, tantrums lasting more than 25 minutes, and the inability to self-regulate. Managing tantrums involves ensuring safety, addressing biological needs, teaching self-regulation and reasoning without punishing, and reviewing the situation to teach emotional expression through words.

Special attention is required for children with sensory overloads, neurodiversity, speech delays, sleep disorders, affected by family stress, or experiencing authoritarian parenting. Persistent tantrums necessitating professional evaluation could indicate underlying issues like mental disorders.

Baby tantrums and toddler tantrums are common in the early years.

They are a natural part of child development. 

A tantrum is one of the most common child behavior issues that prompt parents to seek pediatric help.

Parents are often unsure whether tantrums are a sign of more serious problems, especially if they have been occurring for a long time.

Is it normal for a 5 year old to throw tantrums

It is normal for a 5 year old to throw tantrums from time to time, but breaking things or harming others during their tantrums is not normal. It is also not normal if tantrums occur too frequently or take the child a long time to calm down^​1​. 

During early childhood, temper tantrums are a normal part of healthy children development as they learn to control their emotions and gain independence. 

Temper tantrums are common among children between 18 months and 4 years old.

They tend to increase during the first 18 to 24 months, and then decrease between 42 and 48 months^​2​.

Common tantrum behaviors exhibited by young children include crying, screaming, and hitting.

When Should I Worry About my 5 Year Old’s Tantrums – 5 Red Flags

The frequency, duration, trigger events, and severity of tempers are on a continuum. 

Unfortunately, there are no hard and fast rules to determine how much is too much.

Belden, Thomson, and Luby (2009) believed that there are five risky “tantrum styles” parents should watch out for. 

5 year olds who have the following abnormal child behavior are at risk for a psychiatric disorder such as disruptive disorder or depression.

However, do not include common triggers such as hunger, sleep problems, or illness^​3​.

Violent Tantrums

During the last 10-20 tantrum episodes, your 5 year old showed consistent aggression directed at the caregiver or violently destructive behavior toward objects more than half of the time.

Self-injurious Behavior

Having intense feelings during tantrums is normal. 

However, it is not normal if it results in self-injurious behavior. Internally directed anger is a core characteristic of depression.

Self-harming during tantrums, regardless of tantrum frequency, duration, intensity, or context, has to be taken very seriously.

Frequent Tantrums

Having tantrums 10-20 times on separate days during a 30-day period, or on average 5 or more times a day on multiple days is at greater risk of having a serious clinical problem.

Long Duration

Generally, tantrums lasting more than 25 minutes are indicative of more serious issues.

Cannot Self-regulate

Caregiver assistance is required to calm down during tantrums as the child cannot self-regulate.

How To Deal With Tantrums in 5 Year Olds

Here are 7 steps for dealing with tantrums in a 5 year old.

1. Ensure safety. If necessary, move them to a safe space. Hold or hug them to prevent them from hurting others or themselves.
2. Check for biological needs such as hunger, anger, fatigue, or loneliness, and address those needs. For example, give them snacks or let them rest from their activities.
3. Hug them or teach them to take deep breaths to learn self-regulation.
4. Do not reason or argue with them.
5. Do not punish them because that will lead to even more dysregulation.
6. Review the situation after tantrums settle down. Teach your child about emotions and how to express their strong emotions with words. Developing these communication skills will reduce their need to act out their intense emotions.
7. Find out if there are any special causes for frequent tantrums. Aside from not getting what they want, some 5 year olds have tantrums due to special circumstances that need to be addressed.

For more details on how to deal with preschooler tantrums at the moment, check out How to Deal With 4 Year Old Extreme Tantrums.

Why Does My 5 Year Old Have So Many Tantrums

A lack of emotional control is the main reason why a 5-year-old has temper tantrums or anyone for that matter.

However, there are certain circumstances that require special attention.

• Highly sensitive children may have sensory meltdowns when they have sensory overload^​4​.
• Children born with neurodiversity such as autism spectrum disorder^​5​, Asperger syndrome^​6​, or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder^​7​.
• Those who struggle with a speech delay can become frustrated more easily^​8​.
• Sleep disorders lower a child’s frustration tolerance and may result in toddler bedtime tantrums^​9​.
• When parents are not well, e.g. marital discord, depression, or family stress, it can affect children’s emotions^​10​.
• Authoritarian parenting style^​11​.
• Mental disorders such as anxiety disorder, depressive disorder, or oppositional defiant disorder ODD in children^​12​.

Also See:
How To Deal With 6 Year Old Tantrums

Seek Professional Help

After trying all the steps above for quite some time, and your 5-year-old continues to throw tantrums every day, something else could be going on and professional help is needed^​13​.

Preschoolers who consistently exhibit the five red-flag behaviors are in need of a referral to a child psychologist for further evaluation.

It may be frustrating to hear this if you’re seeking self-help information. 

However, at this point, if you have tried everything, you need more than self-help.

References