A narcissistic father is like the sun in his own solar system, with everyone else orbiting around him. He sees himself as the most important person in every room, always deserving of the best and superior to everyone else.
Picture a dad who takes credit for his child’s achievements, turning the spotlight onto themselves every time.
Having a narcissistic father often leads to miserable childhoods.
What is a narcissistic father
A narcissistic father is a self-absorbed parent. He has an inflated sense of self-importance. He believes he is superior, better, and more important than others, and, therefore, he is entitled to more. He assumes everyone is just an extension of him, and they should be under his control.1
Things narcissistic fathers say
Here are some common things you might hear from a narcissistic father and why he says them.
He’s always right, and you do everything wrong.
A narcissistic father always puts his desires, needs, and demands at the forefront of every situation. He insists on having things done his way, and anything less is simply unacceptable.2
He places high demands on others and expects immediate and precise adherence to his needs, regardless of whether those needs have been made clear. He anticipates everyone to read his mind and get it right.
He rarely pauses to think about others, their needs, or their rights. To him, he is the ultimate authority, always right, and his children must conform to his expectations or face his anger, punishment, and verbal assault.
- “You’ll do as I say, or you’ll regret it.”
- “My house, my rules. If you don’t like it, there’s the door.”
- “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it.”
- “You’ll do it my way or not at all.”
- “Only an idiot will make mistakes like that.”
- “Why can’t you ever do anything right? It’s not that hard.”
- “You can make your own rules when you have your own house.”
- “I don’t care what you think. This is not a democracy.”
- “You’re either part of the solution or part of the problem.”
- “I’m the law here.”
- “If you can’t like my rules, find somewhere else to live.”
- “Why can’t you ever do anything right? It’s not that hard.”
- “I shouldn’t have to tell you what to do. You should already know.”
- “You’re always disappointing me. Can’t you just do as you’re told?”
- “You’re so stupid. Even an idiot wouldn’t make that mistake.”
- “You never think before you act. What does your brain do?”
- “I don’t understand why you can’t just do things the right way.”
- “Are you a dummy?”
- “Why do I have to explain myself over and over again?”
- “Can’t you just get it right for once? You’re always a letdown.”
Only his feelings matter
Everything is about the narcissistic father, and he makes sure of that by saying and doing things without regard for other people’s feelings.
A narcissistic father is often a harsh critic, yet he has a delicate ego. He belittles and dismisses the feelings of others but demands empathy in return.3
He also likes to portray himself as the victim, asserting that he has been wronged even when that’s far from the truth.
- “You’re so ungrateful. You never consider how your actions affect me.”
- “You’re always trying to make me look bad.”
- “Why are you so selfish, never thinking about my feelings?”
- “You’re too sensitive. You need to toughen up.”
- “You’re so incompetent compared to your brother.”
- “Your sister never gives me any trouble.”
- “Can’t you see how much stress you’re causing me?”
- “You are such an embarrassment.”
- “You’re always making a big deal out of nothing.”
- “You’re always embarrassing me with your behavior.”
- “You’re such a disappointment. You’ve ruined my reputation.”
- “You’re always trying to make me look bad.”
He exploits others
A narcissistic father takes pleasure in criticizing others, using it as a stepping stone to elevate his own self-worth, as if to say, “Look at how bad they are and how superior I am.”
He can be ruthlessly mocking or even dredging up someone’s painful past, all to assert their perceived superiority. He feels the need to constantly remind others that they are better than others.
- “You’ll never be as successful as I am.”
- “I can’t believe you made such a simple mistake. I would never do that.”
- “Why can’t you be more like me? I was always top of my class.”
- “Remember when you couldn’t even ride a bike? I was winning races at your age.”
- “See you’re messing it up again. I never had these problems.”
- “I can’t believe you’re struggling with this. It’s so easy for me.”
- “You’re always so slow. I would have finished that in half the time.”
- “You’re always so clumsy.”
- “You lost again? I won several medals at your age.”
- “I can’t believe you’re my child. You’re nothing like me.”
He needs constant attention and praise
Narcissistic fathers often crave attention and validation. They may brag about their accomplishments or take credit for their children’s successes.4
- “I’ve done so much for you. You should be thanking me.”
- “Look at what a great father I am. I’ve raised such successful children.”
- “Your mom is so smart. She married me.”
- “I’ve sacrificed so much for this family.”
- “I’ve worked hard to provide for this family.”
- “You will not find another parent willing to spend this much on your education.”
- “I’ve always put this family first.”
- “I’ve always been the responsible one in this family.”
- “I’m always the one who does everything. Your mother does nothing.”
- “I’ve always been the one to make the tough decisions.”
He manipulates
A narcissistic father manipulates and exploits others to achieve his goals. He will lie, distort, mislead, and guilt-trip others to get what he wants.
- “I’ve worked hard all my life for you, and this is how you repay me?”
- “I’ve given up so much for this family, and you can’t even do this one thing for me.”
- “If it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have anything.”
- “I’ve sacrificed my dreams for you, and you don’t appreciate it.”
- “You’re always thinking about yourself and never about me.”
Also See:
Toxic Parents
How to Recover from Authoritarian Parenting
Final thoughts on narcissistic fathers
The hurtful things narcissistic fathers say or do can lead to a traumatized childhood. The scars of emotional trauma from parents may linger into adulthood.
However, you’re not bound by these past experiences or memories for the rest of your life.
You are not your trauma.
The healing process begins when you recognize the signs of childhood trauma and seek professional help.
Also See: 50+ Things Narcissistic Mothers Say and Why They Say Them
References
- 1.Pincus AL, Lukowitsky MR. Pathological Narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Annu Rev Clin Psychol. Published online March 1, 2010:421-446. doi:10.1146/annurev.clinpsy.121208.131215
- 2.Ronningstam E. Narcissistic Personality Disorder: A Current Review. Curr Psychiatry Rep. Published online January 8, 2010:68-75. doi:10.1007/s11920-009-0084-z
- 3.Ritter K, Dziobek I, Preißler S, et al. Lack of empathy in patients with narcissistic personality disorder. Psychiatry Research. Published online May 2011:241-247. doi:10.1016/j.psychres.2010.09.013
- 4.Caligor E, Levy KN, Yeomans FE. Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Diagnostic and Clinical Challenges. AJP. Published online May 2015:415-422. doi:10.1176/appi.ajp.2014.14060723