Over the last few decades, the use of time out for kids has become an increasingly popular method for dealing with inappropriate behavior in kids.
Here’s the good news about time-outs: they are supported by science as an effective technique to correct a toddler’s misbehavior. The bad news? Most people are doing it wrong.
Find out how to use time-out effectively and correctly.
Table of Contents
To Time-Out, or Not to Time-Out?
Five decades of research shows that using time out to discipline is a proven disciplinary technique. However, it gets a bad rep in the media in recent years. Yet, time-out is still one of the few discipline strategies officially recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP).
Why is there a disagreement?
That’s because 85% of parents use time-out incorrectly, and the incorrect usage can hurt children1.
What IS Time Out… Really?
While most people associate time out for kids with dramatic reality shows such as the Supernanny, it was actually invented, tested, and modified by psychologists long before TV personalities popularized it.
The origins of time-outs date back to the late 1950s where it was first coined by psychologist Arthur Staats2.
Staats wanted to teach his young children appropriate behaviors without the harmful effects of spanking. He believed that parents should be helpers and trainers rather than authoritarian rulers of the household. He found that teaching toddlers about positive and negative behavior required developing an environment of effective parent-child interaction.
Time-out’s full name is time-out from positive reinforcement.
Time-out from positive reinforcement is a procedure that briefly removes a child from an environment that is reinforcing bad behavior, and places them in a non-reinforcing setting.
Throughout the 1960s to 1980s, there was a large body of research dedicated to time-outs. The data was so consistent that even journals saw no purpose in continuing to publish similar works3.
Time-outs work, and there has been plenty of data to prove it.
In an ideal world, all caregivers would receive proper training on how to use time-outs. Unfortunately, nowadays, most people use time-outs without adequate training or correct information. They derive the method from their own upbringings, TV shows, the Internet, or guessing.
Over time, the term “time-out” has been stretched to include improper elements that only loosely resemble the original tried-and-true method.
Using Time-Out The Wrong Way
For time outs to work, parents need to clearly structure the rules of time-out to teach good decision making, and implement positive reinforcement when the child is engaging in good behavior in daily life.
While this seems simple in theory, there are many ways timeouts can be misused and become harmful to toddlers.
When young children misbehave or throw tantrums, frustrated, overwhelmed caregivers often find it difficult to control their own feelings. They use timeouts out of anger to punish.
One of the most common misuses of time-out is the focus on using it as a punishment – an unnatural negative consequence imposed on the child to make them feel bad.
Time-out is a behavior modification strategy that trains a child to make good decisions. It is not a punishment and should NOT be used to punish.
Time-out becomes a punishment when it’s given with hostility, yelling, intimidating tone of voice, long duration, or humiliation, such as using a time-out chair at home or standing in a corner in front of the whole class in school. None of these practices teach your child how to behave appropriately.
Toddlers learn self-regulating and self-control skills through parent-child interactions. Parents who exhibit harsh or hostile emotions when giving time-outs model dysregulated behavior for the child to imitate4. So when time-outs are used as punishment, the only things the child learns are feelings of isolation and rejection, and emotional dysregulation.
Rejection and isolation induce relational pains. In brain scans, scientists found that when a child experiences relational pain, the brain areas that are activated are the same areas activated by physical pain5. We know that physical assault, such as spanking, can hurt a developing mind6. So, when time-outs are used as punishment, the pain caused can be harmful to the developing brain, too.
Giving time-out is also not about giving the child a time to “reflect” or “think about what they did”. No one ever comes out of a time-out remorseful or vowing not to misbehave ever again. Instead, they are probably more resentful and more determined to avoid getting caught the next time or seek revenge on the person who got them into trouble.
Internet Guidance is Full of Inaccuracies
In a 2015 study, Amy Drayton and colleagues surveyed over 100 respected Internet websites. They found that no website included complete and accurate information on using time-out7.
This finding is alarming because nowadays many parents depend on the Internet for parenting information. Since the publication of that study, several websites have updated their advice and tips in their articles, but many still retain inconsistent or inaccurate information, confirmed by another study in 20188.
When frustrated parents follow incorrect information and do not obtain the desired effect, they may become more angry and resort to harsh methods, such as yelling or spanking. Unfortunately, these methods are strongly associated with behavioral problems, such as aggression or conduct disorder, and internalizing problems, such as anxiety or depression9–11.
Using Time-Out The Right Way – According to Science
Researchers have identified a list of eight key ingredients to make time-out effective and free of drawbacks7.
1. Time in when your child is not in time-out
Positive reinforcement is a key ingredient for time-outs to work. Time-out from positive reinforcement is moving a child from a highly reinforced situation to a location with minimal stimuli, and no others to interact with.
For that to be effective, a child’s regular environment (during time in) needs to be full of positive reinforcers, such as positive interactions, praise, physical affection, and interesting activities, to contrast with the timeout area. Also, paying attention to good behaviors right after the time-out encourages a learning environment that reinforces those positive changes.
If a child lives in an environment filled with negative interactions, or lack of affection and fun activities, it won’t make much difference whether a child is put into a time-out or not, and therefore will not be effective in discouraging misbehaviors.
2. Give one (and only one) warning & follow-through immediately if not complied
Time-out is a behavior modification tool that teaches a child to make good behavioral decisions.
Specify the rule. Tell your child if they perform an undesired behavior, they’ll get a time-out. But if they stop, or perform a desired behavior, they’ll get another outcome. Tell them this is the only warning.
Then let the child choose. The child learns to make decision that has certain consequence. Giving a warning every time provides the child with the chance to make that choice.
Once a warning is given, if the misbehavior continues, timeout needs to happen immediately. If you repeat it a number of times without following through, it would become an empty threat.
3. Be consistent & do not delay
Consistency is critical. Once a time-out is initiated, the child cannot negotiate their way out or suddenly agree to behave to avoid it. Otherwise, an escape will serve to reinforce the inappropriate behavior.
4. Use a boring time-out spot
The time-out space should have very little social, sensory, material, toys or activity reinforcements. Studies show that the more stimulating the time-out place, the less effective it is12.
5. Brief time-out duration (2-5 minutes)
A widespread belief is that time-out duration should increase with the child’s age (1 minute per year of age). However, there’s a lack of consistent evidence supporting that claim. In fact, studies show that 2-5 minute time-outs are as effective as longer ones for older children7,13–15.
6. A short period of quiet and calm behavior before release
More important than the duration is the condition for release. Merely sitting out for the length of time is not enough for time-out to be effective. Make sure the child shows a short period of quiet and calm behavior before releasing them.
7. Enforcement & backup consequences
If the child tries to escape the time-out area, the parent must enforce a backup plan, such as returning the child to the area or taking away privileges.
8. Original command reissued and complied
Time-out should not be a method for the child to escape a command. Once the child is released from time-out, the initial command must be reissued, and the child must meet to end the time-out procedure.
Although, when used appropriately, time out for kids is an effective behavior modification strategy, it is not an end-all-be-all discipline. Parents need a variety of disciplinary tools for different situations. For example, using distractions to redirect a budding tantrum, modeling appropriate behavior for toddlers to emulate, using inductive discipline to provide reason, and predicting and explaining natural consequences, are all good methods to add to the big bag of parenting tricks.
Need More Motivation Help?
If you are looking for additional tips and an actual step-by-step plan, this video How To Motivate Kids is a great place to start.
It gives you the steps you need to identify motivation issues in your child and the strategy you can apply to help your child build self-motivation and become passionate in learning.
Once you know this science-based strategy, motivating your child becomes easy and stress-free.
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