What Is Attachment Parenting?
Depending on who you talk to, you will get different answers on what attachment parenting is.
But first, let’s take a look at what attachment is.
Attachment — An extra part or extension that is or can be attached to something to perform a particular function (Oxford Dictionary).
In child development, attachment refers to the tie or bond formed with the primary caregiver, usually the mother but is equally possible to be the father or other caregiver.
For babies, attachment to a caregiver is a biological instinct to stay as close to the caregiver as possible for safety and survival.
Attachment Theory — originally developed by psychiatrist and psychologist John Bowlby (1969), and later on extended and categorized by developmental psychologist, Mary Ainsworth. Under this theory, four widely recognized types of attachment are secure, avoidant, resistant and disorganized.
Among these, secure attachment is overwhelmingly believed to be the ideal attachment by psychologists worldwide. Babies who are securely attached are observed to cry less, cooperate more and enjoy their mother’s company more. They also grow up to be happier and healthier. Ainsworth (1978) noticed that mothers of securely attached children were highly sensitive and responsive to their children’s needs. She posited that when a mother was a secure-attachment figure, she became a safe haven for the child to explore from. The child would feel safe and confident to extend to the world knowing he/she could always retreat to the mother for safety.
Therefore, if you talk to a psychologist or a psychiatrist about attachment parenting, they would most likely agree that this is the best type of attachment. What they are referring to is the parenting style that can result in secure attachment. In order to achieve this, the caregiver should be sensitive and responsive to the child’s needs. That’s it!
However, if you talk to parents who have been following the “attachment parenting” movement, you may get a different view, not completely different, but it’s taking the real definition of attachment parenting to a different level — an extreme level.
Attachment parenting was coined, or borrowed from the above mentioned psychology theory, by pediatrician, William Sears in his book (1993).
Sears’ Attachment Parenting has been loosely defined by eight principles. They are:
- Prepare for pregnancy, birth and parenting
- Feed with love and respect
- Respond with sensitivity
- Use nurturing touch
- Ensure safe sleep, physically and emotionally
- Provide consistent and loving care
- Practice positive discipline
- Strive for balance in your personal and family life
At first glance, these 8 principles do have scientific studies to prove that they are associated with secure attachment. So those are not controversial.
The problems come from the specific practices prescribed for these principles in Sears’ book. Those practices are criticized as unrealistic and extreme. They also lack extensive peer-reviewed scientific studies to support their effectiveness.
For example, Sears encourages extended breastfeeding after infancy until the child decides to stop. Although studies have shown the benefits of breastfeeding, most of them were done on babies who were breastfed for 3 to 9 months only, not for “as long as the child wants”. Many working mothers won’t be able to breastfeed so extensively once they return to work unless their employers are supportive and provide actual space and time for them to do so. But I would venture to say that most employers, especially those of blue collar jobs, are not. It is simply not practical, nor is it scientifically proven to be beneficial.
Sears also promotes cosleeping. Having close physical contact does provide lots of benefits to the baby, which is what the cosleeping advice was based on. However, an expanded guideline issued by American Academy of Pediatrics in 2011 recommends that baby should sleep in the same room as the parents, but not in the same bed, to prevent SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome).
Perhaps the most damaging claim in Sear’s version of attachment parenting is that if a child is not met with parent’s responsiveness, then they will develop Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), a psychiatric condition described as markedly disturbed and developmentally inappropriate social relatedness in young children. In reality, RAD is a result of severe physical and emotional deprivation often experienced by institutionalized children, such as orphans in Romanian orphanages. These children grew up without any physical or emotional contact with people for years. Their RADs were not the result of working mothers who couldn’t breastfeed on cue until they were 5. So stretching results of RAD research to prove the value of this extreme form of attachment parenting significantly undermines its credibility.
Is Attachment Parenting Really Controversial?
It’s unfortunate that such a generic name was coined and confused with the actual attachment theory which has been monumental in our understanding of child development.
Let’s try to clear some confusion. Attachment theory itself is not controversial. This theory and categorization have stood the test of time. Many research and experiments have been repeatedly done throughout the world by many psychologists and psychiatrists on human and similar results were obtained.
Sadly, even respectable websites can get this wrong. The points most people are confused about are:
- Attachment theory is not controversial. Attachment parenting practice prescribed in the name of Attachment theory is.
- Although the original conceptualization by Bowlby was inspired by animal attachment, the attachment theory we know today was developed through Ainsworth’s in-depth observation of human babies in Uganda. This model has been verified through many human-based studies worldwide.
- Attachment theory was originally developed in the 1960s.
When incorrect information is spread like wildfire even by authoritative websites, it is not surprising that many people get confused about the two similar names.
Is Attachment Parenting Bad Then?
Attachment theory says that when a primary caregiver is consistently and appropriately responsive and sensitive to their child’s need, secure attachment develops. However, no researches have ever quantified or proven the optimal amount of responsiveness and sensitivity. As with most everything, extremes are just that, extremes. Moderation, common sense and consideration of your own circumstances should be used to strike a balanced life.
So, even if you don’t carry your baby around the clock or cosleep with them in the same bed, as long as you’re responsive and sensitive to their needs, according to attachment theory, secure attachment will still form. You’re still a good enough parent. Your child can still grow up happy and healthy. That’s all that matters.
- Understanding Attachment and Attachment Disorders: Theory, Evidence and Practice. By Vivien Prior, Danya Glaser
- Attachment Parenting International API’s Eight Principles of Parenting
- The Fallacious Assumptions and Unrealistic Prescriptions of Attachment Theory: A Comment on “Parents’ Socioemotional Investment in Children Journal of Marriage and the Family. By Sharon Hays 1998
- Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety. By Judith Warner
- Health advantages of breast feeding for infants: a critical review. By Heinig MJ, Dewey KG.
- Breast feeding: health benefits for child and mother. By Turck D
- The effect of breastfeeding on neuro-development in infancy. By McCrory C, Murray A.
- Reactive Attachment Disorder. By Gail Hornor,
- Attachment in Institutionalized and Community Children in Romania. By Charles H. Zeanah, Anna T. Smyke, Sebastian F. Koga, Elizabeth Carlson and The Bucharest Early Intervention Project Core Group
- Ainsworth 1963, 1967
- Understanding Attachment and Attachment Disorders: Theory, Evidence and Practice. By Vivien Prior, Danya Glaser)
- Good enough parenting for all children—a strategy for a healthier society