31 Worst Things A Parent Can Say To A Child

| Signaling the child is unworthy | Shaming and belittling the child | Comparing | Instilling prejudice | Threatening |

It’s no secret that kids are incredibly impressionable.

A parent’s words of wisdom can send powerful messages to their child. 

Sometimes, angry parents can be harsh and say things in a way that hurts their children when they experience overwhelming emotions.

In some cases, it is unintentional.

But there are times when toxic parents are to blame.

Here are the worst things a parent can say to a child and why they are harmful not only to the child but also to the connection between the parent and the child.

Signaling the child is unworthy

The following are some worst things parents say to their children, conveying that they are unwanted, unloved, unvalued, or even abandoned. The child can have immense painful emotions and lose self-esteem as a result of this. 

Furthermore, the child may feel they have done something wrong to deserve such treatment or are not good enough. This can lead to a host of psychological problems in adulthood^​1​.

1. I wish you were never born.
   
2. I wish you were the one who died instead of your brother.
   
3. You were an accident. I never wanted you.
   
4. You are nothing to me.
   
5. Stop bothering me. I don’t want to know anything about you.
   
6. Do the world a favor. Kill yourself.
   
7. You won’t amount to anything.
   
8. You’ll never be good enough.

Shaming and belittling the child

Parents shaming and belittling their children may seem like a harmless way to discipline, but it can have lasting effects on child development.

When children are made to feel small and insignificant, they internalize that feeling as a part of their identity. They begin to believe that they are not important and do not matter in the world, which can lead to depression or social anxiety later in life.

Putting children down teaches children that no one should treat others with respect or kindness. It prevents the child from becoming empathic and establishing good relationships with people.

Making a child ashamed of themselves is also associated with more adolescent delinquency and depression^​2​.

9. You’re so stupid.
   
10. What are you depressed about? Just deal with it.
    
11. You are nothing without me.
    
12. I don’t understand why you are nothing like me.
    
13. “No one likes a crybaby”
    
14. I’m ashamed to call you my child.
    
15. Stop doing those useless things.
    
16. You are dead to me.
    
17. You’re a failure.
    
18. You’re such a disappointment.
    
19. You’re a disgrace to the family.
    
20. What’s your problem?
    
21. Tough it out.

Comparing

Some parents intentionally compare their children with siblings or peers, and some do it subconsciously. Either way, these damaging messages can have a negative impact on the child’s self-esteem. 

They become less confident in themselves and their abilities, making it difficult for them to succeed at school or work.

Low self-esteem is also strongly associated with mental health issues such as anxiety and depression^​3​.

22. Why can’t you be more like your sister?
    
23. Look at your friend. Why are you so much worse?
    
24. Everyone else can do it. Why can’t you?

Instilling prejudice

Prejudiced statements by parents can have a lasting effect on how their children view themselves and the world.

Children are constantly learning and absorbing information from their surroundings. Negative comments about certain groups of people from someone they love and trust can profoundly affect their views of those groups of people, whether they’re aware of it or not.

Having grown up with negative stereotypes about who a certain group is, how they act, how they look, or what they believe may lead them to adopt those stereotypes themselves.

When they meet people who don’t adhere to their preconceived notions about what members of their own group should be like, they become closed-minded or suppress their own feelings^​4​.

In addition, adolescents with parents who are unaccepting of them because they belong to a certain group suffer from more mental and physical health problems^​5​.

25. Boys don’t cry.
    
26. Boys/girls don’t play with that kind of toy.
    
27. Men are the breadwinners of the family. Women’s jobs are to find husbands and have children.
    
28. If you <make a choice I don’t approve of>, you will not be my child anymore.

Threatening

Authoritarian parents tend to use threatening statements to discipline their children. Threatening kids can make them feel like they can’t express their opinions or feelings, leading them to believe they don’t matter.

Children with coercive parents are more likely to develop conduct problems. Angry parent coercion is also a significant risk factor for mental illness in the future^​6​.

29. You’re living in my house. You follow my rules.
    
30. Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about.
    
31. Because I said so.

Check out:

• How To Recover From Authoritarian Parenting
• How to Deal With Strict Parents as a Teenager

Also See: Hurtful Things Parents Say That Kids Still Remember As Adults

References