Secure Attachment in Child Development: Importance and How to Form

Secure attachment is a healthy emotional bond between a child and their primary caregiver, typically a parent (mother and father) or grandparent. Attachment security forms a foundation of safety and trust, enabling children to freely explore and seek comfort when needed. Secure attachment is important because it promotes optimal brain development. Understanding the role of secure attachment in child development allows parents to be responsive without the fear of spoiling their children. 

Responsive caregiving, emotional availability, and consistency are among the 11 steps in the process of forming a secure attachment. To develop security, a child must feel safe, seen, comforted, valued, and supported.

Signs of secure attachment in a child include seeking comfort from their caregiver, confidently exploring the environment, and positively reacting to the caregiver’s return. Long-term impacts include better emotional development, cognitive development, and self-esteem. 

What is Secure Attachment?

Secure attachment is a healthy connection between children and their primary caregivers, typically mothers, fathers, grandmothers, and grandfathers. Secure attachment is characterized by feelings of safety, trust, and the ability to seek comfort when needed. A securely attached child views the caregiver as a safe haven and relies on them as a secure base to explore the surrounding environment. 

In a strange situation, a secure child confidently explores a new environment in the parent’s presence. When distressed, a secure child seeks comfort from the parent. 

Children develop a secure attachment when their caregivers consistently respond to their physical and emotional needs. A secure attachment promotes a child’s development, leading to positive physical and psychological development.

What is the Importance of Secure Attachment in Child Development?

Secure attachment is important in child development because sensitive, responsive parenting neurobiologically ensures optimal brain development, according to the 2003 study, “Effects of a secure attachment relationship on right brain development, affect regulation, and infant mental health” by American psychologist Allan N. Schore. 

The development of emotional regulation is experience-dependent. When a sensitive parent responds to a distressed child, the child’s immature limbic and autonomic nervous systems become coupled to the parent’s more mature regulatory systems. Over time, the child internalizes the attachment experiences and develops healthy coping strategies.

Understanding the importance of secure attachment in child development allows parents to adopt responsive parenting confidently without fearing spoiling infants.

What is Attachment Theory?

The Attachment Theory is a developmental theory created primarily by British psychiatrist and psychoanalyst John Bowlby. The Attachment Theory evolved from the 1930s to the 1980s. Other contributors include Mary Ainsworth (designer of the Strange Situation Procedure SSP), Harry Harlow (pioneer in social isolation studies using rhesus monkeys), and Rene Spitz (trailblazer in identifying and analyzing anaclitic depression and hospitalism).

The Attachment Theory challenged the prevailing belief that an infant’s bond with their mother was driven by the need for food, an idea championed by Sigmund Freud. Instead, Bowlby provided a biological explanation for attachment behaviors. Infants and young children seek proximity and protection from their caregivers for survival.

Children must develop a secure attachment bond with a primary attachment figure to satisfy the need for love, security, and comfort, according to the Attachment Theory. Attachment security allows the child to launch into unfamiliar situations confidently and develop optimally. The Attachment Theory revolutionized how children were treated in hospitals, institutions, and the child welfare system.

How Does Secure Attachment Differ From Other Attachment Styles in Children?

Secure attachment differs from other attachment styles (insecure attachments) in the child’s sense of trust, safety, and stability. In a secure attachment relationship, the child believes their caregiver is reliable and available. A securely attached child uses their caregiver as a secure base to explore the surroundings and returns to the safe haven when distressed. Secure children have a coherent strategy to regulate and cope with stress. Children with other attachment styles do not count on their caregiver for comfort due to previous experiences of inconsistent care. Insecure children develop maladaptive or disorganized strategies, such as avoidance, suppression, and dissociation, to deal with stressors.

What is the Process of Forming a Secure Attachment with Children?

The process of forming a secure attachment requires consistently responding to children’s needs and repairing misattunements.

Here are 11 steps to forming a secure attachment relationship with children.

1. Responsive Caregiving

Responsive caregiving involves attuning to a child’s needs, cues, and emotions. Children with sensitively responsive parents learn to seek help and comfort through attachment behavior from their caregivers when stressed. There are four conditions in responsive caregiving, according to Ainsworth, in a 1979 study titled “Infant-mother attachment” published in American Psychologist.

• Attune to your child’s feelings and needs: Tune into your child’s emotional state so you notice your child’s distressed signals.
• Interpret the signals accurately: Through back-and-forth interactions, you receive feedback and assess whether your child’s actions are being interpreted correctly.
• Respond appropriately: Be warm, positive, and helpful.
• Act promptly to your child’s cues: Be available and ready to help.

2. Emotional Availability

Emotional availability (EA) is the ability of two people to share a healthy emotional bond. Children can develop secure attachments when parents have a supportive attitude and presence.

A 2015 peer-reviewed research, “Emotional Availability: theory, research, and Intervention”, published in Frontiers in Psychology, found that emotional availability between children and adults has six dimensions. The four dimensions that measure the adult’s emotions and behaviors are sensitivity, structuring, non-intrusiveness, and non-hostility. The two dimensions that measure the child’s interaction are responsiveness and involvement. Here are 6 strategies to help you become more emotionally available in the six dimensions.

• Be self-aware: Understand your emotions and how you react to different emotions to maintain emotional regulation. When self-aware, you can be available for your child’s emotional needs. Journaling or mindfulness practices such as yoga or meditation can help you be present.
• Be close: Proximity allows you to monitor your child’s emotions and reach them quickly.
• Listen actively: Pay attention to your child talking or your baby babbling. Make eye contact, set aside distractions, and focus on what your child is saying or cooing.
• Open up: Being emotionally available means sharing your feelings, experiences, and vulnerabilities. It’s okay to be imperfect and open about it.
• Hug or hold hands: A comforting touch communicates support beyond words.
• Don’t intrude: Follow your child’s lead during play and avoid interfering.

3. Consistency

Consistency in responsive parenting builds trust and reduces anxiety in children. Infants feel safe when their caregiver’s availability is predictable. Repeated experiences form implicit memory and mental models, according to Daniel J. Siegel, clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine, in a 2001 article published in the Infant Mental Health Journal. The brain is primed to retrieve and activate such implicit memory. These repeated experiences are encoded in implicit memory as expectations that help the infant feel secure, according to a 1999 publication titled “Biology and the Future of Psychoanalysis: A New Intellectual Framework for Psychiatry Revisited” by Eric Kandel, M.D.

4. Emotional Regulation

Validation is acknowledging and accepting your child’s emotions without judgment, helping them feel understood and supported. Co-regulation is helping your child manage their feelings by offering guidance, matching their emotions, and modeling healthy coping. A 2008 peer-reviewed study titled “The emergence of mother-infant co-regulation during the first year: Links to infants’ developmental status and attachment” in Infant Behavior and Development revealed that co-regulation was associated with secure attachment in infants. Here are 6 to validate and co-regulate with a distressed child.

• Label and acknowledge: Name your child’s emotions without minimizing or dismissing them. For example, “You are very frustrated.” Acknowledging your child’s feelings shows that you take their emotions seriously.
• Empathize: Let your child know that their feelings are valid and that you understand why they feel that way, even if you disagree with their emotional response. For example, “It makes sense that you are angry.”
• Attune: Observe your child’s emotions and physiological signs that indicate their level of arousal. Mirror your child’s emotions with similar intensity and reciprocal facial signals to build a connection.
• Guide and co-regulate: Once the connection is established, gradually down-regulate your emotions. Observe and wait until you notice your child beginning to mirror your regulation before further decreasing your emotional intensity.
• Teach techniques and offer support: Invite your child to take a few slow and deep breaths. Offer physical touch, such as hugging or holding hands, to help your child calm down while co-regulating. Help your child learn and practice soothing techniques.
• Solve the problem together: Once your child has calmed down, work with them to identify the cause of their distress and brainstorm solutions or alternative ways to handle the situation. Ask them to practice naming their emotions so they can verbally express their frustration the next time.

5. Positive Encouragement

Focus on your child’s strengths, efforts, and successes while providing support and guidance when they face challenges. Praise your child’s effort and emphasize the importance of process and learning rather than outcomes. For example, “I love how creative you were in the answer.” Use affirmative language, express your love, and help your child develop a growth mindset. This approach helps children build self-confidence and strengthens the parent-child bond.

6. Secure Base

A secure base refers to being a safe and reliable caregiver for children to return to, physically and emotionally, when they need comfort, support, or reassurance. A secure base is also a launching pad from which children can confidently explore the world, try new things, and become independent, knowing they have unwavering support.

To become a secure base, be supportive and create a safe space for your child to express their feelings without judgment or criticism.

Discipline through teaching and reasoning rather than threatening your child with punishment. Allow natural consequences when appropriate. Through your explanation, your child will learn cause and effect and critical thinking. Not using punishment allows your child to trust you and come to you when they are in trouble, knowing you will help them rather than hurt them.

7. Boundaries and Limits

Setting boundaries and limits protects children physically and emotionally from harm. Clear expectations provide guidance and a framework for interacting with others healthfully and respectfully. Create age-appropriate rules, allow safe natural consequences, and consistently enforce them. For example, “You chose to throw toys at the dog, so the toy is taken away, and you cannot play with the dog to hurt it in other ways. I understand you might miss the toy and the dog’s company. These are the natural consequences of protecting the dog and others.”

8. Rupture and Repair

When there is a mismatch in attunement between child and parent, repairing the rupture facilitates secure attachment formation, according to the 2000 study “Repairing the Bond in Important Relationships: A Dynamic for Personality Maturation,” published in The American Journal of Psychiatry. Researchers found that mothers were correctly attuned to their infants only about one-third of the time in the study. Successful repair of misattunements turns despair into positive emotions. This interaction promotes the child’s sense of mastery and helps them internalize a healthy relationship pattern.

9. Reflective Parenting

Reflective parenting is mindfully examining your thoughts, feelings, and actions used in your parenting. Understand your childhood experiences and how your parents have shaped your parenting practices. Step into your child’s shoes and ponder how they experience your actions and the world. Making conscious and intentional parenting choices rather than reacting on autopilot allows you to have better judgment and build closer relationships with your child. Being reflective helps you evaluate options objectively so you become more flexible.

10. Self-Care

Self-care is making a conscious effort to prioritize your physical and emotional well-being. It goes beyond occasional pampering. Self-care includes meeting basic needs such as getting adequate sleep, eating healthy, and exercising regularly. In addition, engage in hobbies, connect with friends, and have fun activities to model healthy behavior that takes care of yourself.

11. Support seeking

Seeking help is recognizing that you don’t have to do everything alone. Contact your support network, such as your partner, family, and friends, for practical help and emotional encouragement. Consider professional help by consulting with therapists, pediatricians, or psychologists if needed.

The following image highlights the 11 steps in the process of secure attachment formation.

What are the 5 Necessary Conditions to Raise a Child with Secure Attachment?

To raise a child with secure attachment, the child must feel safe, seen, comforted, valued, and supported.

1. The child feels safe

A child feels safe when they believe their environment is predictable and people in it will not harm them physically or emotionally. Attachment security allows the child to develop trust, confidence, and stress tolerance.

For example, a child confidently plays alone in their room, knowing their parent is nearby and will protect them if needed.

2. The child feels seen and heard

A child feels seen when their presence is recognized, and their emotions are noticed. The child feels known when their thoughts and opinions are acknowledged.

For example, a parent listens attentively to a child’s story about their day, reacts appropriately, and discusses their feelings.

3. The child feels comfort, soothing, and reassurance

A child feels comfort when their distress is responded to. The child is reassured of their safety and the parent’s love.

For example, a parent hugs and speaks gently to a child who has fallen and scraped their knee, calming and reassuring them.

4. The child feels valued

A child who feels valued develops a strong sense of self-worth and believes they deserve love. Securely attached children possess greater self-confidence and are more open to forming relationships with others.

For example, a parent praises a child’s efforts in drawing, emphasizing the creativity rather than the outcome, making the child feel appreciated.

5. The child feels supported to explore

A child encouraged to learn about their environment feels supported to explore. The child is not afraid to try new things. The child is curious and independent.

For example, a parent watches from a distance as a child climbs on playground equipment, ready to intervene if safety is a concern but allowing the child to navigate the challenge.

A parent watches from a distance as a child climbs on playground equipment, ready to intervene if safety is a concern but allowing the child to navigate the challenge.

What are the Signs That a Child Has a Secure Attachment?

Here are 11 signs of what secure attachment looks like.

• Seeks comfort: The child turns to their caregiver when they feel upset, frightened, or uncertain.
• Explores confidently: When the caregiver is present, the child feels secure enough to explore their environment, engage with others, and use the caregiver as a secure base.
• Responds positively to caregiver’s return: The child is happy to see their caregiver after a separation and seeks interaction with them on reunion.
• Engages in positive interactions: The child enjoys playing and interacting with their caregiver, displaying affection and happiness.
• Shows distress upon separation: The child may become upset when separated from their caregiver but settle down quickly when comforted.
• Develops trust: The child learns to trust that their caregiver will be there for them when needed.
• Manages emotions effectively: As the child grows, they develop the ability to regulate their emotions, self-soothe, and handle stress independently.
• Expresses emotions: The child feels comfortable sharing positive and negative feelings with their caregiver.
• Forms positive relationships: The child is more likely to develop positive relationships with others, showing empathy, cooperation, and social competence.
• Communicates openly: The child feels comfortable expressing their needs and thoughts to their caregiver.
• Displays resilience: With a secure attachment, the child is more likely to be resilient when facing challenges and setbacks.

What does secure attachment look like?

What are the Long-term Impacts of Secure Attachment?

Here are 12 long-term impacts of secure attachment on children and adults.

1. Emotional regulation: A secure person manages and responds to an emotional experience healthily. Secure attachment provides a model of caregiving that teaches children how to recognize, understand, and accept their emotions. Secure children develop healthy self-regulation.
2. Cognitive development: A secure person develops the ability to think, explore, and figure things out. Secure attachment promotes a safe environment for exploration and learning. Curiosity and the motivation to learn enhances a person’s cognitive development.
3. Self-esteem: A secure individual has a better overall evaluation of their self-worth. Secure children are often given consistent positive feedback and emotional support. They develop a positive self-image and self-confidence.
4. Problem-solving skills: A secure person finds solutions to difficult issues. Securely attached children are allowed to explore and engage with problems. The secure relationship allows critical thinking and adaptability development.
5. Empathy: A secure person understands and shares others’ feelings. They are empathic individuals.
6. Social competence: A secure person interacts positively in social settings. Children who interact positively with caregivers develop trust, empathy, and confidence to engage successfully with peers.
7. Communication skills: A secure person conveys or shares ideas and feelings effectively. Open communication between child and caregiver builds verbal and non-verbal communication skills.
8. Mental health: A secure person experiences better psychological well-being. Secure attachment provides a foundation of stability, trust, and self-worth. Attachment security reduces the risk of developing psychological issues such as anxiety and depression.
9. Resilience: A secure person recovers quickly from stressors. They have a more stable emotional base and better coping skills to bounce back from challenges.
10. Trust in relationships: A secure person believes others are reliable. Early experiences of trust with a responsive caregiver lead to an expectation of positive intentions from others.
11. Relationship stability: A secure person builds and maintains healthy relationships. Early experiences of a secure relationship model healthy interactions. Secure adults are more likely to have stable, supportive relationships.
12. Academic and occupational success: A secure person tends to succeed in academics and work. Better emotional regulation, interpersonal skills, curiosity, confidence, and cooperation enhance academic and occupational outcomes.

How Does a Secure Attachment Affect Adult Relationships?

A secure attachment affects adult relationships in the following 9 ways.

• Intimacy: Secure adults do not shy away from intimacy. They are comfortable seeking care, giving care, negotiating, and being autonomous, according to a 2001 study, “Truth, lies, and intimacy: An attachment perspective” by Jude Cassidy.
• Positive behaviors: Securely attached individuals are more supportive, responsive, and constructive in romantic relationships.
• Positive Perceptions: Secure adults hold positive views of themselves and their partners.
• Authenticity: Securely attached individuals have higher levels of authenticity in their relationships, according to a 2001 study, “Self-determination, Attachment Styles, and Well-being in Adult Romantic Relationships,” conducted at Creighton University. Secure adults feel that they are their true selves with their partners.
• Autonomy: People with secure attachment styles are self-determined. They engage in relationships autonomously with genuine desires and values.
• Balanced Dependence and Independence: Secure grownups effectively balance intimacy with relationship independence.
• Stable and trusting relationship: Adults with secure attachments perceive their relationships as stable and characterized by trust.
• Intrinsic goals: Secure adults pursue intrinsic goals in relationships, such as personal growth, self-acceptance, and intimacy, rather than extrinsic goals like wealth or fame.
• Relationship satisfaction: A 1996 study titled “Attachment, caregiving, and marital satisfaction,” published in the Journal of the International Association for Relationship Research, revealed that secure attachment is associated with greater relationship satisfaction in adults.

How does a Parent Communicate to Promote Secure Attachment?

Here are 8 ways to communicate with children and promote secure attachment development.

1. Sensitive responsiveness: Attuning to and addressing the child’s needs promptly and effectively. “I hear you’re upset, let’s figure this out together.” “I see you need help; I’m here to help you.”
2. Warmth and affection: Being present and expressing love through words and tone of voice. “It’s okay to feel sad about this, I’m right here with you.” “You’re so excited! I love seeing you so happy!”
3. Consistency: Providing a stable and reliable presence that the child can trust. “Every night before bed, I will read you a story, just like always.” “I know changes can be hard, but I will always pick you up after school.”
4. Validation: Acknowledging and accepting the child’s feelings without judgment. “It makes sense you’re upset after what happened.” “I understand why you might feel scared; that was a loud noise.”
5. Reflection and mirroring: Identifying and putting words to a child’s emotions, helping them understand their own feelings. “You look a little frustrated that your tower fell over.” “Wow, you’re so excited about the puppy!”
6. Encouragement and support: Positive reinforcement and backing boost the child’s confidence. “I believe in you; you can handle this challenge.” “I’m so proud of how hard you tried, even though it was tough.”
7. Enjoyment: Expressing genuine pleasure and enthusiasm for your child and the time you spend together. “You make me laugh!” “Watching you play is the best part of my day.”
8. Nonverbal communication: Using physical expressions of love and comfort, like hugs or a comforting hand. A warm hug when the child feels sad or hurt. A reassuring pat on the back or holding hands during a stressful situation.

Is Secure Attachment suitable for the Parents too?

Yes, secure attachment is suitable for the parents, too. Adults with secure attachment styles tend to have healthier, more stable, and more satisfying relationships with their spouses and children.

Secure attachments also help parents be better equipped for responsive parenting. Findings in a 2009 study, “The Relations Between Parents’ Big Five Personality Factors and Parenting: A Meta-Analytic Review,” suggest that parents with secure attachments are more sensitive to their children.

However, secure attachment in parents is not a requirement for good parenting. Many parents with less secure attachment styles still provide a loving, nurturing environment. They can recognize their attachment style and work to overcome its challenges.

What are the Advantages of Secure Attachment to Child Development?

Emotional regulation

Emotional regulation is the ability to manage and express emotions in a healthy and adaptive way. Securely attached children learn to regulate their emotions effectively, contributing to better mental health and social functioning.

Positive self-image

Positive self-image is the way a child perceives and values themselves. Secure attachment fosters a positive self-image, as children feel loved, valued, and competent. Securely attached children have high self-esteem and self-confidence.

Healthy relationships

Secure children form and maintain positive, supportive connections with others. They develop the skills necessary for healthy relationships, such as trust, empathy, and effective communication.

Resilience

Resilience is the capacity to cope with and recover from challenges and adversity. Secure attachment promotes resilience as children learn to rely on their caregivers for support and develop a sense of safety and security.

Cognitive development

Cognitive development is the progression of mental processes, including thinking, learning, and problem-solving. Securely attached children tend to have better cognitive outcomes, as they feel safe exploring their environment and engaging in learning opportunities.

Language development

Language development is understanding and expressing thoughts and feelings through words. Secure attachment supports language development as children engage in more frequent and rich communication with their caregivers.

Social competence

Social competence is the ability to interact effectively with others and form positive relationships. Securely attached children develop better social skills, empathy, and understanding of social cues, leading to more successful social interactions.

Autonomy and independence

Autonomy and independence are the capacity to act and think independently while maintaining close relationships. Secure attachment allows children to develop autonomy and independence, as they feel secure in their relationships and are encouraged to explore their environment.

Reduced risk of mental health issues

Reduced likelihood of developing psychological disorders or difficulties is an advantage of secure attachment. Securely attached children are less likely to experience mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, or conduct disorders.

Better stress management

Better stress coping means effectively coping with and adapting to stressful situations. Secure attachment helps children develop effective stress management strategies. Children learn to seek support and regulate their emotions in challenging situations.

What are the Disadvantages of Secure Attachment to Child Development?

Secure attachment provides a strong foundation for healthy development. However, there are 6 disadvantages of secure attachment to child development.

1. Overdependence: Securely attached children sometimes rely too heavily on the caregiver for emotional support and guidance. They find it hard to separate from their primary caregivers if they’re not exposed to other supportive adults early on. This can lead to temporary distress in settings like daycare or preschool until the child adjusts.
2. Risk unawareness: Attachment security becomes maladaptive when a secure child doesn’t recognize an emerging threat, according to a 2010 study published in Perspectives on Psychological Science. The study, titled “The Attachment Paradox: How Can So Many of Us (the Insecure Ones) Have No Adaptive Advantages?”, found that the proximity-seeking nature of secure attachment hinders identifying danger and activating defensive behavior.
3. Difficulty handling unpredictability: Secure children are used to consistency and have high expectations. Major disruptions to routines, a sudden lack of responsiveness from caregivers, or changes in social norms upset some children.
4. Sensitivity to criticism: Securely attached children are used to praise and positive regard. Some children become more sensitive to criticism and less accustomed to negative feedback.
5. Stress intolerance: Secure children are to a highly supportive environment. Those with insufficient coping skills find it challenging to cope in high-stress situations.
6. Overprotection: Having limited exposure to challenges reduces growth opportunities. Some caregivers become overprotective to maintain a secure attachment.

What are the Challenges in Forming Secure Attachments with Children?

Here are 11 types of challenges in forming secure attachments with children.

1. Parental mental health issues: Mental health problems in caregivers often impact their ability to provide consistent, responsive care. Conditions such as depression or anxiety often hinder their emotional availability.
2. Caregiver’s own attachment style: Parents with insecure attachment styles may struggle to provide the consistent, attuned care needed for their child’s secure attachment.
3. Lack of knowledge or support: Some caregivers are unaware of the importance of attachment or lack the skills to foster a secure attachment.
4. Temperamental differences: Some children’s innate temperament makes it more challenging to form a secure attachment.
5. Family stress: Hardship places significant stress on parents reducing their ability to parent responsively.
6. Limited resources: Some caregivers have limited time or resources to build a secure attachment with their child.
7. Separation: Prolonged separation from primary caregivers creates inconsistency in child care.
8. Cultural differences: Some cultures emphasize independence and self-reliance at early ages. Parents are sometimes pressured to conform to cultural practices incompatible with secure attachment principles.
9. Trauma or abuse: Children who have experienced abuse, neglect, or other adverse childhood experiences can struggle to trust caregivers and form security.
10. Environmental instability: Instabilities such as war or community violence interfere with the caregiver’s ability to provide consistent and calm responses to the child.
11. Special needs or developmental delays: Children with special needs or developmental delays may have difficulty engaging with their caregivers and forming secure relationships.

What is the difference between Secure Attachment and Insecure Attachment?

The main difference between secure and insecure attachment is that securely attached individuals have a sense of safety and trust in others, while insecurely attached individuals do not. People with secure attachments tend to develop self-confidence. They build healthy relationships and enjoy life satisfaction. In contrast, people with insecure attachments tend to develop various attachment issues, negatively affecting their self-worth, interpersonal relationships, and well-being.