5 Steps to Help a Child That Cries Over Everything

How to deal with a child that cries over everything

Validate their feelings

Recognizing and validating their feelings are pivotal in nurturing a sense of self-worth and emotional understanding.

You reassure them that their emotions are valid, heard, and understood, promoting self-regulation development.^​6​

Validating is not giving in or agreeing with them.

It’s OK to show empathy and understanding without agreeing with their perspective.

This balanced approach helps them feel valued and supported, fostering a trusting and open relationship.

Here are examples of how you can validate your child’s feelings when they cry over seemingly minor issues.

1. “I see that you’re upset about your toy breaking. It’s okay to feel sad about it.”
2. “You must be frustrated that your ice cream fell. I’d feel the same way.”
3. “It sounds like you’re really disappointed we can’t go to the park today. Rainy days can be a bummer.”
4. “I can tell you’re feeling hurt that your friend didn’t invite you. It’s okay to feel that way.”
5. “You seem really upset about losing that game. It’s tough when things don’t go our way.”
6. “I get why you’re sad about missing the show you wanted to watch. Let’s see if we can find another time to watch it together.”
7. “It sounds like you’re feeling left out because your siblings are playing without you. Let’s talk about it.”
8. “I can see you’re really attached to that old shirt, even if it’s too small now. It’s hard to let go of things we love.”
9. “You seem really frustrated that your drawing didn’t turn out the way you wanted. It’s okay to feel that way; art can be challenging.”
10. “I understand why you’re upset about not getting the front seat. Everyone wants a turn.”
11. “It sounds like you’re really disappointed that the cookie jar is empty. I’d feel the same way.”
12. “I can tell you’re feeling overwhelmed with all the noise. Sometimes, we all need a quiet moment.”
13. “You seem really sad about leaving the playground early. It’s tough when we have to end fun times.”
14. “I get why you’re frustrated about not finding your favorite book. Let’s look for it together.”
15. “It sounds like you’re upset because the puzzle piece is missing. It’s okay to feel that way; completing something feels good.”
16. “I can see you’re disappointed that the bubbles ran out. They are a lot of fun, aren’t they?”
17. “You seem really hurt that the dog chewed up your toy. I understand why you’d be upset.”
18. “I get that you’re feeling down because your tower fell over. Building can be tricky sometimes.”
19. “It sounds like you’re really upset about spilling your juice. Accidents happen, and it’s okay to feel sad about them.”
20. “I can tell you’re feeling frustrated that your shoelaces keep coming undone. Let’s practice tying them together.”

Each response acknowledges the child’s difficult emotions, offering understanding and empathy, even if the triggering event might seem minor to adults.

Don’t undo the validation

Once you’ve validated your child’s feelings, avoid undoing that validation. 

A common pitfall parents encounter is following up their validation with a “but.”

For instance, don’t say, “I understand you’re upset, but you shouldn’t feel this way. Instead, you should feel …”

It’s as if you’re acknowledging their feelings only to dismiss them in the next breath.

That can be confusing and hurtful.

Aim for consistent validation, allowing your child to process their intense emotions without feeling judged or misunderstood.

Address basic needs

Make sure your child gets enough hours of sleep. 

Children are generally in a better mood and less likely to have those big emotional moments when well-rested.^​7​

And don’t forget about food and breaks.

Feeding them, allowing them to take breaks, or creating quiet time throughout the day can prevent meltdowns. 

Model healthy emotional expression and regulation

Research has found that children tend to handle their emotions better when their parents are open about their own feelings and positively talk about them.

When parents set a good example by discussing and managing their emotions healthily, their children are more likely to do the same as they pick up from watching and listening to their parents.^​8​

Your child isn’t broken

Your emotional child isn’t at fault for having traits like lower stress tolerance or heightened sensitivity. 

Many of these characteristics are genetic and beyond their control. 

Your child isn’t flawed, and you have no issue to “correct” or “fix.”

Instead, focus on helping them build resilience and emotional skills to navigate life’s challenges. 

This growth is a natural part of child development.

Your child is perfectly fine, just like other children.

If you suspect your child has depression or other broader issues, seek help from a mental health professional as soon as possible.

What not to do

Avoid scolding or punishing tantrums

Various emotions can trigger crying or tantrums, but the most common is a feeling of powerlessness or helplessness.^​4​

Scolding, punishing, or otherwise preventing the child from expressing their sadness signals that they have the “wrong” emotions. 

When parents forbid negative emotions, children feel not only powerless in the situation but also wrong to have that feeling. This is not going to help them develop healthy emotion regulation.

Therefore, do not scold, punish, or tell them, “Don’t cry.”

Avoid dismissing

When you brush aside or disapprove of the child’s feelings or downplay the significance of what triggered their tears, it sends a message that their emotions are either unimportant or, again, wrong.

Children with dismissive parents tend to have worse emotion regulation and more behavioral issues.^​5​

You and your child value things differently due to the distinct stages of life you’re both in, with varying needs and perspectives. 

It’s unproductive to project your criteria of what’s worth shedding tears over onto your child.

Dismissing their feelings won’t help them learn or grow.

Tears aren’t the problem

Many parents mistakenly believe that crying is the primary problem to address.

It’s easy to think that everything will be okay if they can stop the tears. 

But crying isn’t the main problem. It’s just a sign of deeper feelings caused by something else. 

Rather than just trying to quiet the crying, try to understand and address what’s bothering your child. 

Doing so lets you get to the heart of the matter and support them.